I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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