I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
