Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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