dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
