I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
