I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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