Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
