just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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