Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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