I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
