my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
