You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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