hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It all started with a game of naked twister.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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