I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize