I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
