Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
