Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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