Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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