you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I AM VODKA MAN
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
