Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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