A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it because I queefed?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
