Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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