My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
