the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Couch. On fire.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize