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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk

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• (205): View more from Alabama

  The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  Perfectly normal.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  soo how bad was i last night?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex

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• (12): View more from

  So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.

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