The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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