so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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