i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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