Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
