1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize