Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
