I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
