So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
