I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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