He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
