My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize