We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
