It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
