Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
