She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
