I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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