"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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