Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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