you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize