Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize