Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
