I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish i was in the wii world.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
