I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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