thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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