i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
