i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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