so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
