I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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