I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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