I think I am morally bankrupt
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize