i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
