can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
