I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
