well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
