i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
