My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
