Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
