um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
