well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
