It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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