i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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