I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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