the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
