There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
