I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
