Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
BRING THE BAGELS
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
