k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
dude. I can hear the air.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
