Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
