I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
