1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
