Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
