it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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