I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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