I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
