That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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