All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
