my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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