Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize