What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
