Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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