I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize