Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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