Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
