I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
