At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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