Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
