True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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