Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
