there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
