Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
