Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
