i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
