Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
