The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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