I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
