At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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