Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
