There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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