Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
