Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
